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Name: Glenn Conley

Age: 45

Where are you from: Sandy, Oregon. It’s a small town near Mt. Hood. I love it here. Not too cold, and not too hot. And the rain turns me on, so there’s that. hehehe

A little about your self `ie your education Family life etc: Let’s see, I had two years of college at George Fox University, a private Quaker college. If you’re not familiar with the Quaker movement, it’s like Christianity on crack. They’re very strict. No kissing or hugging permitted on campus. If you were caught, you were sent to the Dean, and may get expelled.

It was hilarious, because everyone was fucking. I mean, that’s the prime fuck years of your life. If you don’t fuck like mad in college, you’re going to miss out on the best fuck years of your life.

But that’s not the hilarious bit. It was funny because everyone had to find secret places to fuck. At night people would break into the various campus buildings, and fuck in secret. Cracked me up one time. I Was working security, and we found a couple fucking in the prayer room. Now that’s just plain naughty.

Left college after two years because I met my wife, and after that, there was no way I was going to concentrate on my studies. We’ve been married 26 years now. We’re both retired, and we’re both writers, so retirement gives us much more time to write.

 

Fiona: Tell us your latest news?

My book is free this weekend, so I’m promoting the bloody hell out of it. Not sure if it will still be free when this interview gets published.


Fiona: When and why did you begin writing?

I started writing when I was 12 years old. I was reading a David Eddings book, Pawn of Prophecy. The story was driving me nuts. I was like, “No, don’t go in that cave, you idiots!” I was yelling at the book like some people yell at movies.

So, I decided to write it better. I began my own story, with my own characters. But of course my story turned out to suck even worse. Irony is a bitch.


Fiona: When did you first consider yourself a writer?

 When I started writing, at 12. Although I didn’t really take it seriously as a career path until just recently. But to be a writer, all you have to do is write. Just write, every day. It doesn’t matter what you write, as long as you do it. Every goddamn day.


Fiona: What inspired you to write your first book?

Well, my first book is a collection of book reviews from my blog. It’s called Glenn Hates Books Vol.1 and I’m sure there will be Vol. 2 and more, because I keep finding books that piss me off. That’s what inspired me to write these reviews, and publish this book. Because I can’t stand books that suck, and they need to be punished. Of course, I also included books that I love, and everything in between. But the inspiration came from horrible books that need to be burned.


Fiona: Do you have a specific writing style?

 Well, obviously. Just from this interview, you can tell that I have a very profane way of writing. My wife says it’s because I write just like I talk. My writing brain isn’t any different from my talking brain. It is kind of a challenge when I write fiction, because not every character is going to swear like a fucking sailor.


Fiona: How did you come up with the title?

Well, I listen to a podcast called Doug Loves Movies. And I thought, wouldn’t it be funny if there was a Doug Loves Movies? I mean, wouldn’t that be a more interesting show? Just bashing the shit out of bad movies. So, I started a blog called Glenn Hates Movies, and I posted some nasty reviews of movies there. But after a while, I found that I love movies too much. There aren’t enough movies that I really hate. But damn, there’s plenty of books to hate on. So I created the Glenn Hates Books blog, and the rest is history.


Fiona: Is there a message in your novel that you want readers to grasp?

Well, it’s not a novel by any means, even though it kind of reads like one. Because there’s even a character ark in it. My character arc. Because it starts with the 1 star books that I really hate, and ends with the 5 star books that I really love. And yes, there is a definite message that I would think is plainly clear: WRITE BETTER BOOKS, GODDAMNIT!


Fiona: How much of the book is realistic?

That’s a very good question. Because one thing I really hate about book reviews is that most of them are complete bullshit. They’re just telling the author what they want to hear. It’s not an honest opinion at all. My reviews are all completely honest. I don’t pull any punches. I let ’em know exactly how I feel. So yes, my book is very realistic.


Fiona: Are experiences based on someone you know, or events in your own life?

Yes, a lot of my own life experiences are shared in this book. Like the fact that I’m not 100% gay, but damn, some guys are just too hot not to drool over. And the fact that I’m really a 17 year old kid trapped in a 45 year old body. That sort of thing.


Fiona: What books have most influenced your life most? a mentor?

Douglas Adams and The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. That book changed my life. Before I read that book, I was never a humorist. I never wrote anything funny. But after I read that book, about 20 years ago, I really started weaving humor into my writing style.


Fiona: What book are you reading now?

 Horror Stories by Jack Kilborn. It’s a collection of horror flash fiction which is actually quite awesome. Sometimes it annoys me when books are this good, because it leaves nothing to bitch about.


Fiona: Are there any new authors that have grasped your interest?

Nick Cutter. The Troop was very good, and I have his next book in my queue to read as well.


Fiona: What are your current projects?

Editing my wife’s book of poetry, and finishing my novel. Oh, and of course working on Vol. 2 of Glenn Hates Books.


Fiona: Name one entity that you feel supported you outside of family members.

It seems to me that you are asking me if I feel that God has supported me. And the answer would be a resounding NO. If I could count my wife as the ‘entity’ then it would be her for sure. Because she is a force to be reckoned with.


Fiona: Do you see writing as a career?

 Absolutely. But only recently. About a year and a half ago, I decided it was about damn time. I made a new years resolution to write every day, and I’ve been doing it ever since.


Fiona: If you had to do it all over again, would you change anything in your latest book?

 Yes. When I first started writing these reviews, they were short. I wish I had spent more time on the early ones.


Fiona: Do you recall how your interest in writing originated?

 Yes. Every time I came across a book that sucked, I figured I could do better. This began very early, like in grade school.

Fiona: Can you share a little of your current work with us?

The novel I’m currently working on is called Killing Every Day. It’s about a guy who has just lost his wife to cancer. His whole life he’s been holding in a monster. He’s always wanted to kill people, but didn’t want to upset his happy family life. Now, he’s got nothing to lose, so he’s going to kill someone every goddamn day. He’s going to cause chaos in a small town, where there hasn’t been a murder in over ten years.


Fiona: Is there anything you find particularly challenging in your writing?

Trying not to swear, when I know the character I’m writing is a prude.


Fiona: Who is your favorite author and what is it that really strikes you about their work?

My favorite would have to be Douglas Adams, who I’ve already mentioned.


Fiona: Do you have to travel much concerning your book(s)?

 No


Fiona: Who designed the covers?

 I did. I had a professional cover made, but my wife said that the original cover that I made, with the burning books was better. And it turns out that she was right, because I’ve had many compliments on it.


Fiona: What was the hardest part of writing your book?

If you can believe it, the goddamn formatting for kindle. That part drove me completely insane. Writing a review every day isn’t very hard, but putting it all together so it looked all nice and pretty in the kindle format was such a pain in the ass.


Fiona: Did you learn anything from writing your book and what was it?

How bloody easy it is to self publish. I mean, seriously. A five year old could do it. And some of the books I’ve been sent by authors to review… Man, it doesn’t even matter if the format looks good, amazon will publish just about anything. It’s retarded how easy it is.


Fiona: Do you have any advice for other writers?

Just write. Every goddamn day. Don’t make excuses, just do it.


Fiona: Do you have anything specific that you want to say to your readers?

 Stop buying books that suck donkey balls.

Fiona: Do you remember the first book you read?

 I remember the first book I read for my own pleasure. David Eddings’ Pawn of Prophecy. And that was when I was 12 years old. Before that, the only books I ever read were for school. And I fucking hated school. In fact, I refused to learn to read and write until I finally gave up the fight, and learned in the third grade.

Fiona: What makes you laugh/cry?

When authors cry like little girls because I gave them a bad review. That shit is comedy gold.

Fiona: Is there one person pass or present you would meet and why?

I’d like to meet Douglas Adams. He’s dead now, but it would have been awesome to meet the man who changed my life.

Fiona: What do you want written on your head stone and why ?

‘Go Fuck Yourself’ or ‘Kiss My Ass’ come to mind. Mostly to piss off my super-Christian mother.

Fiona: Other than writing do you have any hobbies ?

 My friend and I drive out to eastern Oregon every so often to ride our ATVs. It’s fun, but I’ve got a broken collar bone from an ATV crash last year, so we don’t go quite as often. You’d be amazed how much a broken collar bone can hurt while writing.

Fiona: What TV shows/films do you enjoy watching?

I like action flicks, comedies and such. My favorite TV show right now has to be Banshee. Fucking love that show. Non-stop action.

Fiona: Favorite foods / Colors/ Music:

 Love a good steak. BBQ ribs. BBQ chicken. We’ve got a huge BBQ range out back that’s covered from the rain, so we can use it year round. Favorite color is navy blue. For music, I love Coldplay. I know that probably makes me super-gay, but whatever. I fucking love that band.

Fiona: If you were not a writer what else would you like to have done?

Heh. One time, I was out of work, so I went to the state employment office to get a referral for a job. The lady who was processing my request asked me, “So, in a perfect world, what would be your fantasy job?” “Racecar driver,” I said. Without missing a beat. She just gave me that, “You’re fucking retarded” look.

 

Fiona: Do you have a blog/website? If so what is it?

 My blog is called Glenn Hates books, and it is here: http://ghbooks.wordpress.com

 

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